letting go

Yesterday was Daniel's one month birthday, and I decided he was big enough to go to Bible class for the first time. (He had been staying with me in the adult class up til then.) We dropped him off with his teacher, and oh how I wanted to stay, but that would defeat the purpose of taking him to class...so...we left. He did great, by the way, crying a little but then falling asleep when one of the helpers rocked him.

It got me thinking about the worst part of parenthood: letting go. I didn't really expect to deal with it so soon, but it has to start sometime, just a little bit at a time until he's all grown up (in his own eyes, at least!) and making all his own decisions. I want to hold on to him forever, but how selfish would that be? He needs a mom who knows when to hug and when to push.

It's...intimidating, to say the least, thinking about how Daniel has his whole life ahead of him, and the person he becomes will largely be due to the way David and I raise him. I've been thinking lately about the people I know (or knew) who were raised in good Christian homes and have since left the church for whatever reason. I have to wonder, did the parents miss something? Was there a time when they should have been paying better attention, explained something more thoroughly, taken more time to teach their child...? Or did the child just grow up and decide to rebel against what he knows is right? How can I keep that from happening with Daniel? I'm terrified of making a mistake so huge.

Taking it one day at a time, though, is something I can handle. Today I can sing Bible songs with him, and hold him and love him and let him know that Mommy's always here for him. Today I can study to become a stronger Christian myself, and pray really really hard that we can be good parents. Tomorrow, when he's 25 and thinking about these same things with his own child, I can worry about whether we did a good job.

In the meantime, before he outgrows this phase, I want to write down a couple of things that I love about Daniel.
-the way he stares at your face, full of questions, trying to figure out how to be like you
-the way he (intentionally, mind you) tilts his head caddywumpus when he's trying to get comfortable
-the way he gets so excited sometimes while eating that he pulls away and wiggles...and then cries because he's stopped eating
-(my favorite) the way he snuggles into your shoulder when he's tired and wants to cuddle.

3.5 week old photos

5 photos added to the Daniel album...clicky. I really need to put that in the sidebar.

Daniel's taking a nap in his crib, and I don't know what to do with all this time. =P There are about a million things I've been learning about motherhood, the biggest of which is ...throw your assumptions out the window. No, really. Pick them up and throw them. Hard.

I've thought up four or five interesting blog posts over the last three weeks, and can't remember any of them. Hm. Aw, a teeny little bird just landed outside my window. Back to Daniel...

(I never wanted to be one of those moms who only ever talked about her kids, but (a) he's my only hobby at the moment, and (b) he's just super interesting, and (c) it's my blog, you don't have to read it if you feel over-Danieled. Now, back to my amazing child...)

He had his first bath last week and liked it, but hated his second bath a few days later. Note: wait until he's in a good mood to bathe him. This morning he gave me his first real smile; he's been smiling for weeks, but today he smiled back when I said good morning. It thrilled me to my toes.

He's also becoming play-with-able. He notices toys sometimes. Mom got him this crazy rattling cow that never fails to draw his attention when you pull the crazy rattle string. He likes when you sing to him, and Heather claims he was looking at the pictures when she read to him the other day.

We're slowly developing some sort of routineish type thing. I'm learning how daytime sleep/play patterns can affect nighttime, and he usually sleeps for 3 or 4 hour stretches at night now. He'll stay in his crib for two of those, three if we're lucky, but if that doesn't work we let him sleep with us and he zonks out for 5 hours at a time. I sleep pretty lightly when he's with us, which is why we're not just cosleeping all the time.

During the day he likes to snuggle ...ALL THE TIME. This is sweet and I'm enjoying it, and I will also enjoy it when he's ready to explore some more of the world besides Mommy. I had expected to be able to put him down more, or at least wear him in the sling, and be able to do some normal things (laundry, dishes, etc.) pretty soon after he was born. Nope...so, adjusting my expectations, I now have a stack of books and a laptop by the couch, and we have nice relaxing snuggly days.

Wow, super long post. Are you still reading this?? Go look at pictures, they're much more interesting and not so wordy. In fact, each one is worth a thousand words. Haha.

Daniel photos

Click for cuteness

Real post later; it's hard to type while holding a baby. =P I know you only wanted photos anyway...